頭の中の穴 — the hole in my head / by Sarah Kakusho

My mind is tired of thinking, so much so it’s burning a hole through my head. I don’t know what language comes out of my mouth anymore… As a result, it’s been difficult trying to get anything done on the creativity scope of my life. Life in Japan has become far greater than my expectations. Being in a new environment is refreshing, but along with that comes the stress of having to adapt to a different language. And the mere stress of constantly thinking about how to say what I want to express next keeps my head working far more than it has ever done (even after studying in Argentina).

In moments like these, I sometimes wonder to myself what I’m doing here. For what reason am I here, putting myself through this? And it’s moments like these, I tell myself to look back on my purpose, my foundation. And it’s at this very moment, as I’m compelled to look at my statement of purpose for Bekka to fix myself of this unnecessary stress, that I grow fearful. Will I still believe that this is my purpose? Will I still be as passionate as I was when I wrote out my purpose for being here?

2 months of living here and talking with the people who attend SUJ, my mind has been working out other agendas for the future in my head. And still I feel unable to seek out the very purpose that brought me here, leaving a growing, gaping hole in my head. And until I overcome this, nothing may come of me. The question I must ask myself this very moment:

How badly do I want to achieve it?

Lost,

- Musings of an Aspiring Filmmaker