精神的にやばい。 / by Sarah Kakusho

Although nothing has begun, although nothing has happened, my mind remains heavy. A month’s worth of rest and relaxation has left me unproductive in any serious film endeavor and filled with all too many worries for the upcoming school year. Japan has somehow left me estranged from everyone around me and moreover from myself. I’m suddenly unsure of all my words and actions and no longer do I feel myself. Who the fuck am I.

Without a sense of self, I cannot create what I want to create. I can no longer express what I want to express. I can no longer feel what I want to feel. Though clear with purpose, there’s a block in my mind that keeps me from advancing. I can’t help but feel stuck and so alone, even though there are many people around. I only hope my smiles and laughter will hold out as long as it takes to get my act together. Classes begin in a week. I need to fix myself.