In about 9 hours, I'll be taking my first step into the professional world of film/tv for the first time. I've worked as an A/V technician and helped out the video company for graduations past, but I think tomorrow will be my first step outside of SUA, outside of what I'm familiar with. I will get a taste of what the industry is like.
For the past couple of days, I've been wondering what to bring with me to my PA job. I had read a handbook on PAing and it was quite useful in terms of what I should expect, what to do, what not to do, etc. But, I think, being the person I am, I felt a little nervous and slightly overly-conscious of how I should present myself when I meet the crew. How will I act? How resourceful I will be? How much will I know? I came to realize that I knew nothing about what I was getting myself into.
So what, I've made a few films. So what, I've worked with a video company. So what, I can handle events and handle organized movements. It may all be experience to me, but may be nothing to the people I will work for next.
Thoughts like these plagued my mind; they made me worry about the tiniest things I shouldn't even wallow over. My friend had told me I should bring a resume and a reel. I didn't have any on-hand so I worried over that. I was so scared of what I might do wrong that I wanted to bail. I even spent the past couple of hours looking up a checklist of what I should bring, so that I would be extra prepared for ANYTHING that could possibly happen.
But, then, I realized my own doubts and negativity was keeping me from really savoring this moment, the happiness I felt when I first landed this gig. I was letting these unwanted thoughts try to defeat me, even before anything had started. I needed to be confident. I needed to chant more.
So, this is the conclusion I've come to thus far:
I should be myself. I'll bring whatever I feel I would bring to any occasion, as if it were any other job that I was working. Pen, paper, meds, etc., plus the 50 copies of the release form that the production supervisor asked me to print out. I don't need to feel pressure about what others do for their PA jobs. They are not me, and I am not them. I may not have a reel and resume on hand, but they will see what I am capable of doing in action, and I think that maybe the most important thing of all: how much effort I will put in for the success of a project.
I have the gohonzon. All I can do is chant so that I can be Swift, Tactful, Aware, and Resourceful for the duration of the job. To be the most capable person I am, to bring out the most potential that I can for tomorrow so that they know who Sarah "Kusho" Kakusho is, but more importantly, so I can leave with a sense of accomplishment. With a "I did my best today" smile.
Days leading up to this point have been so tiring. I've been passing out on my bed after work every day this week, and then waking up to work on the SOL video at night. But despite the dog-tired days and the sleepless nights, I've never felt more alive than now. I am moving forward mystically. My whole being is starting to move toward my goal of becoming an Oscar nominee within the next 10 years.
But, tomorrow, I take my first physical step.