Day 23: Thinking Too Much / by Sarah Kakusho

The more I think about the situation I’m in [the fact that I’m studying abroad in a country where English is not the primary language, taking university level courses], the more my eyes open up to this rude awakening that I’m having.

I’m starting to get nervous about classes.

I don’t quite know what it is that’s getting me so nervous, and you know, I don’ think it’s even the classes I’ll be taking at FUC, the film school. It’s more about the one class I have to take outside of FUC that I’m worried about. It’s very unfortunate that I missed the first couple of classes for both the classes I’m trying out. I think if I had gone to the first class for both of them, I’d feel much better, since I would actually know what’s going on. I don’t know what to expect of these classes, but I think I just need to give it some time for me to get settled.

It’s great that COPA is allowing us to try out these classes, but it’s very hard to coordinate among 4 [5 options in my case] different universities with very different policies on registration and try-out periods. I’m in this predicament partially because the class schedules for FUC didn’t get released until mid-last week, when all classes started last week and after registration had ended. So, I had to choose classes that I wasn’t even sure would fit into my schedule. It was pretty hard to coordinate. But apparently, a lot of universities here don’t have the class schedules till a week before their classes start…

Imagine having to do that at SUA… It’s definitely a different system here than in the U.S.

Anyway, I’m going to attempt to see my advisor tomorrow or Thursday and see what I can do to alleviate some of this unnecessary stress before next week when the rest of my classes at FUC start. It’s definitely stressing me out far too early on in the semester, so much so that I have a headache.

On a good note, this weekend is a holiday weekend, so there are no classes Monday. Erika and I are planning a trip to Mendoza, which is a 12 and half hour bus ride from here. It’s gonna be fun. I’ve heard crazy rumors about the buses here, so I don’t know what to expect. Regardless, it’ll be a chance to see Argentina outside of Buenos Aires, the grand metropolis. Something to calm my nerves before classes start.

I never realized till today how uptight I was, so stuck to routine and a pocket planner. I realized that outside of school, I am almost nothing. I look back on high school when I used to use IB as an excuse for not doing things like getting a job or doing club activities. I solely concentrated on my academics [and I hated it, I only did well because I competed for the better grades among my friends]. And at Soka, I got more involved within the school, but I hardly ever left campus because I had used academics and responsibilities on campus as an excuse.

Now that I’m here, with nothing, I realized I’m a coward. I don’t have the courage to step out and explore. Some days I do just for the spontaneity, but most of the time I lack action. I don’t know how to have a good time. I’m afraid of stepping out of routine, and stepping into the unknown. It’s human nature to be cautious around the unknown, but this is definitely karma biting me in the ass, and I’m seeing it now for a reason.

It’s time to break down some walls inside my mind. And this headache, too…

P.S. In this week’s COMUNICADO from COPA, there were 5 wallets reported stolen over this past week. Uwa, right? I know.